Speechwriting: Corporate, Weddings, Retirement

4/11/08

Read Great Literature to a Telemarketer (satire)

Read Great Literature to a Telemarketer
A guide by Anthony Trendl, reader of literary classics to random callers, but otherwise editor of hungarianbookstore.com
see also:

In this present world in which telemarketers believe they have a right to call us with their wares, and the courts look desperately for a solution that is legal and enduring, let me offer some ideas.

Since telemarketing is emotionally equal to gambling and mortgage spam, realize those calling us are either children who thought calling people would be a better job than fast food, or difficult to employ adults. Help them out.

As with any rehabilitation effort, you need to reeducate, or in most cases, educate the poor caller. Who knows what kind of home theyve grown up in. Culture is surely lacking, and thats where you come in.

Read to Them
Choose your passages carefully. Have them ready when the unsuspecting caller tries to find you as his pigeon. When they pause, after you gently interrupt them, start reading.

While the world is reading Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right and The Da Vinci Code, you are a step ahead, considering deeper topics, The Purpose-Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?. What is your purpose? Your purpose, in the situation with telemarketers, is to lift up great literature for the sake of improving a few of their lives.

What should you read? The classics are a good place to start. The Riverside Shakespeare will give you some excellent passages from "Romeo and Juliet", "King Lear" and "Hamlet." "To be or not to be," ponders Hamlet as he considers his own mortality. Read with vigor.

A favorite of mine is either the beginning or ending of Edgar Allan Poes "Tell Tale Heart," which youll find in Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe. "TRUE! - nervous - very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad?" You can feel the excitement. Share that excitement with the telemarketer.

As the holiday time approaches, bring the right spirit into things, and read Luke 2:8-14 from the King James Bible. Verse nine will somber up the call, "And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid." Listen to KJV Audio Bible Dramatized to remind you what Gods Word can do to a virulent phone salesperson.

If that doesnt work, break out the thick books. War and Peace will calm the beast within the caller. Moby Dick is a good choice too. For the more ambitious of you, A Concise History of Hungary will enlighten the listener.

If thats not your style, thats OK. Your goal is to enrich their lives. Almost any literary genre will do. Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree, or Dr. Seuss Green Eggs and Ham (I Can Read It All by Myself Beginner Books) will do fine.

If you are a product of the cha-cha music, martinis and lava lamp world, you can bring him your world with Tiki Drinks

This is why they are reading books like these below. You need to help them. It is a civic duty, like helping out the Salvation Army, except with a literacy goal.

* Stephan Schiffmans Telesales: Americas #1 Corporate Sales Trainer Shows You How to Boost Your Phone Sales
* Motivating With Sales Contests: The Complete Guide to Motivating Your Telephone Professionals With Contests That Produce Record-Braking Results
* Selling by Phone: How to Reach and Sell to Customers in the Nineties
* The Unfair Advantage: Practical applications of psychological selling skills (NLP)

Bring all of your passion. Reading to the caller is your catharsis, your weapon and his literary redemption.

Anthony Trendl
editor
hungarianbookstore.com

Other Products
Let me admit that the CDs here are only funny once, and some of the writing in these books missed the editor. However, anyone serious about helping a telemarketers reeducation should be aware of the others on the subject.

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